5 Moustaches That Get a Bad Rap (and Why They Deserve a Comeback)
Moustaches—and facial hair—seem to be making a comeback. Long gone are the days of the clean-shaven look dominating. However, some styles still receive a bad reputation. Here are some of them, and the reasons why we feel they should be reconsidered.
Gravity defying and whimsical, the Dali moustache – made famous, of course, by flamboyant artist Salvador Dali – has long been associated with effeminate, evil, or French characters. These days, however, anyone walking the streets of any hip, metropolitan area will notice a number of Dalis roaming the streets. The creative moustache styling employs ‘stache-wax to great effect, and allows the wearer to employ a large amount of self-expression. The Dali can even be changed day-to-day – try curled, tilted, straight, arched. The possibilities are endless.
The Peach Fuzz
Remember in 7th grade, when you noticed some fuzz starting to appear on your upper lip? With great aplomb, you likely borrowed your older brother’s razor and shaved that odd first amorphous, hazy “moustache.” At least, that’s what you should have done. And that’s what some adult Peach Fuzz-ers should have done, too; some of the world’s manliest men never got past middle school in the facial hair category. Even the macho Matt Damon (a.k.a. Jason Bourne) has been spotted with a less-than-impressive fuzzy upper lip.
However, there’s an exception to every rule. Case in point: Top Gun, 1986:
Only slightly more developed than the Peach Fuzz, the “Eyebrow” moustache is one that – you guessed it – looks like a third eyebrow. Of course, this ‘brow just happens to be hovering above the upper lip. As you’ll find out, the effect often becomes magnified when one squints. The resulting “eyebrow triangle” is an unfortunate result of a stalled-out attempt to grow a ‘stache worthy of Tom Selleck – the effort was there, but the horsepower just wasn’t. History – and high school – is littered with Eyebrow moustaches. As Tom himself would likely say, when a moustache isn’t the most prominent hair-feature on a face, something is wrong. But here’s one example of a man who has let his moustache and eyebrows live in harmony – the dapper Errol Flynn.
The Joaquin Face Halo
All the moustache-philosophers out there are probably wondering, as they gaze upon this picture of Joaquin Phoenix – where does the moustache begin, and where does it end? This furry orb, with every strand of hair meticulously kept the exact same length – from the scalp, to the chin, to the upper lip – circumscribes the face with a haloed, almost angelic, effect. In fact, with sunglasses, the only visible un-furry facial feature is the nose. Seen at night, the face halo may very well blur one’s sense of reality – where does Joaquin end and the night begin?
It’s a hard look to pull off, but some can rock the Halo. Many of those hirsute individuals – including Zach Galifianakis, of Hangover fame – would be almost unrecognizable without it.
The Petty Yin-and-Yang
Some men have great teeth. Bleached whalebone white, straighter than Ted Nugent, the toothy grins of these men seem to stretch from one earlobe to the other. How best to showcase these pearly whites? A good, heavy moustache, of course. These complementary ‘staches wouldn’t be too much without the teeth, but together, they’re unstoppable. Maintaining the Yin-and-Yang moustache in the mirror image shape of a grin gives the tooth a gravity-defying shadow that sets them off like no other. Seriously – try looking at Richard Petty. First thing you look at? Teeth. Every time.
Author bio: John Gower is a writer for NerdWallet. He works to help readers learn useful tips on every subject, from facial hair cultivation to college tuition planning.